[Maybe] The Best Thing to Ever Happen to You

Note: It may be helpful to read my introduction to this series in order to have some context and understand my disclaimers. You can find that post here.



Rowe took time in this video to share multiple stories of rejection he experienced on the path to his own calling. While I’m not a major fan of the phrase “pursuit of happiness,” I really did appreciate his overall point. But I would like to add something I don’t feel he touched on.

Throughout his story, the obtrusive question I kept thinking about was, “Why did he keep going down this path?” I do not ask that question with an assumption of the negative (“He should have tried something else!”), but rather an assumption of the positive (“Why was he driven to persevere?”).  The fact of the matter is that Rowe would have never learned this great life lesson to share with the rest of us if he had not kept going back, again and again. But because he did, he learned a very important lesson about rejection.

I believe some people have an internal awareness of the thing they are made to do. There is this inner voice that tells them they exist to be a part of some idea or create a certain experience. Because of this, they keep getting up and walking down the same road. I do not want to give the impression that I understand the psychology behind this reality; certainly, insecurity rears its ugly head in many different ways for so many of us.

I do know what I have experienced with my students, though. Many of them are very quick to question what we are doing and who we are becoming. Many of us see obstacles and frustrations as signs that we’re not made to do “this” and we change our track. I often feel like every time we do this, we begin to suffer an increasing lack of resilience and rising levels of doubt about ourselves.

This is not to say that obstacles and pushback are not powerful tools to help us make decisions and find the best fit in life, but I want to recognize that there is a tacit awareness, a resonance of the soul, a leading of the Spirit, that wants to guide us to who we are becoming. When we find that thing, we need to run down that path with a resilient commitment to the calling. We need to trust that calling and learn from our mistakes — which is another thing I feel like Rowe didn’t address. He probably learned a great many things from those experiences of rejection. Still, we push on, knowing that if we keep pushing toward the good, we will experience hardship and rejection. And yet, through it all, the relentless pursuit of our calling might just lead us to a place better than we could ever hope or imagine.

PULL UP A CHAIR: Stories on Character

For a summary of what I’m hoping to accomplish in this blog series (in the fourth week of every month of 2018), I recommend reviewing my explanation here.

Kerry Eastridge is the Team Leader for our ICM team at Florida Gulf Coast University in Ft. Myers, FL. Kerry is one of our longest-serving campus ministers and has proven throughout the years his commitment to integrity as a minister, mentor, and leader. His quiet, non-assuming demeanor often hides a deep well of wisdom that resides inside of him. If you were to ask other members of the ICM family, they would tell you that there aren't too many other folks that serve as a model for CHARACTER like Kerry.

Sew a thought, reap an action.

Sew an action, reap a habit.

Sew a habit, reap a character.

Sew a character, reap a legacy.

In my opinion, character and integrity are the embodiment of who we are in regard to what we think about and how we act toward God, others, and ourselves. Christian character would include the relational attitudes and actions of Christ. There are two character qualities I believe encompass many of the others and are important for us as campus ministers to pursue, model, and teach: humility and truth. As qualities, they are nouns, but in life we practice them in more of an active verbal manner.

Think about one of the messages social media, mass media, Hollywood, music stars, and professional sports figures all promote; “It’s all about you, so grab your moment of fame while you can.” Today’s college students have grown up with this message of self-promotion pounded into their psyche. It is all too evident in their Snapchats, selfies, and posts.

Humility dares to defy this self-absorptive form of pride. I’m told C.S. Lewis wrote that humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less. If that is true, then pride is the obsession with self—thinking of oneself too much. Obsession with self is found in two opposite extremes. The person who is overly self-confident, arrogant, and self-promoting is obsessed with self. However, the person who is consumed with his insecurities, fears, inhibitions, and inabilities is also obsessed with self.

One of the challenges we have with today’s students is to simply get them to greet and talk with other students. Perhaps a true test of humility and getting over one’s insecurities is the practice of “tabling.” Tabling is representing the organization and engaging people at a display table. Spend an hour or two tabling and trying to connect with students walking by, and you will get your share of rejection.

Sometimes practicing humility can feel like walking a tight rope between prideful arrogance and self-deprecation. It is helpful to identify what one does well, but not to dwell on it too long. It is helpful to examine one’s life for areas that need improvement, but not to be overly critical.

Toward the end of the sermon on the mount, Matthew records Jesus warning His listeners, “Watch out for false prophets. … By their fruit you will recognize them.” False prophets pretend to speak truth, but they actually do the opposite. False prophets usually have hidden or ulterior motives. Jesus says they are going to bear fruit that will expose their falsehood.

In contrast, people of Christ-like character are people of the truth, for Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” Being a person of the truth includes, but is not limited to, telling the truth. Our students need to have campus ministers who will tell them the truth. This includes the truth found in Scripture, the whole counsel of God. It also includes, however being honest in our conversations and relationships with one another. College students have grown up in a culture where lying is the norm. Christian leaders ought to be the antithesis to this norm. We should be champions of speaking the truth in love. When they ask us a tough question, they need to know we will give them a truthful answer.

People who are of the truth are real, genuine, and sincere. College students are good at detecting phoniness. They may not know how to verbalize it, or they may not be willing to confront you about it, but you won’t see them around for long if they pick up you are not genuine or sincere.

Here at Impact we talk a lot about modeling. Most of the time it is in the context of intentionally modeling our pursuit of Christ in front of others. But as leaders we are always modeling, because our character is always on display. Who we are cannot escape where we are. Our character accompanies our presence.

As a staff member with Impact, one of the things I truly treasure is that our directors strive to live out the mission and vision, and in this case the values of character and integrity. Character and integrity are not just spoken about but are modeled from the top down.

Over the years I have heard our leaders confess weaknesses, mistakes, and struggles in their lives and ministries. They admit through their own transparency that life is a journey where mistakes are made. They practice and model grace and encouragement as they accept our failures and weaknesses and encourage us to take the next positive, God-directed step. We pass that down to our student leaders by encouraging them to step out in faith with the assurance they are “free to fail.” We want them to try things and stretch themselves, knowing that if something doesn’t go so well, we will absorb the hit together without casting blame or shame.

We had a student leader some time ago fail morally. It changed the trajectory of her life tremendously. It also served as a test to our character. How would we react when one of our own didn’t live up to the character standards we and she held dear? Would our reactions be true to our message? Would we help her get up and keep moving forward, or would we do our part to keep her down?

I heard Carey Nieuwhof, Pastor, Author, and Leadership Podcaster on the radio recently talking about character. He pointed out our character is the only thing people will remember when we are gone. Soon after we’re gone, people will encapsulate our whole life with one-word descriptions. What will be the word people use to describe you and me?

MAKING AN IMPACT: Character

For a summary of what I’m hoping to accomplish in this blog series (in the third week of every month of 2018), I recommend reviewing my explanation here.

The next value we will talk about with our MAKING AN IMPACT series is one that is stated in almost every organization, is incredibly important, and is yet a struggle for so many churches, organizations, and fellowships. This is the value of CHARACTER.

Why is this such a struggle for the Christian world? I think the short answer is that we are just a bunch of people who are screwed up. That is true, but how many of us are tired of reading what feels like a continuous news feed of Christian organizations that harbor abusers, struggle with sexual conduct, mistreat women, and succumb to other “moral failures”? It’s exhausting.

I think the answer is that theology matters. I won’t be taking this time and space to pull apart the pieces of theology I think are most responsible for these stories, but I will say that our theology is often the bedrock we build our culture on. The way we understand the nature of who God is and what He is doing in the world, the way we understand the nature of humanity, and the way we define the gospel, breeds a particular culture in the missional communities we belong to. If we foster a theology that believes God is looking for the unflinching devotion to a moral code, we will simultaneously breed a culture that puts on a show, afraid to be vulnerable to the struggle we all experience to become the kinds of whole people God has designed us to be.

So what do we do? Impact Campus Ministries has said — like so many others — that we want to be people of integrity and great character. How will we succeed where so many others seem to fail?

A large part of this will reside in our commitment to community and each other (more on this value in another post). The greatest form of accountability will be the fact that we don’t do life (or ministry) alone. Of course, this commitment is only powerful if we trust each other enough to be vulnerable. We have to work hard to build a culture of openness and honesty from the top of our organization all the way down to the bottom. We don’t want to be people who fight for privacy, but fight for each other.

This isn’t to say that privacy is not important or that wisdom would dictate open vulnerability with all people in all circumstances — it would not. But within our family at ICM, we need to learn how to trust each other with our struggles and our failures. This means we can’t be quick to punish others when they slip up, but we also need to be resolute in our commitment to each other, to help each other become the people God is inviting us to become.

Hopefully you can see how well our value of character works alongside the tension of excellence and compassion. We have to have a commitment to excellence in our integrity, but that will only be achieved if we can be gracious in our failures. I really believe that the destructive and harmful failures in character come as the byproduct of a culture that doesn’t foster healthy growth and compassionate belonging. When those things don’t exist, we begin to hide. When we begin to hide, our lack of character begins to fester until it erupts in something horribly destructive.

Unfortunately, this culture of hiding is often cultivated in our faith communities.

We want to be better than this. We want to be the kind of family — brothers and sisters — who make sure we all have a place to belong and that the space can be trusted. We want to build a culture that says, “I am FOR you!” — and doesn’t doubt the sincerity of that stance. Only then can we be honest about who we truly are and who we are trying to become. And only when we are honest can we find family who help us strive to develop as we pursue character in our organization.

This will be an ongoing struggle. We are far from perfect.

But may God bless ICM’s efforts to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly [together] with our God.