A thoughtful rebuke to my own blog post...

So, yesterday was a tough day for me.

I didn't get much sleep last night, either.

It was one of those days where God slowly and gently rakes you over the coals of humility -- and you  don't really notice until your hind end is on fire. 

My day ended with a very thoughtful and convicting read from a friend and mentor that I respect more than most anybody else in my life.  He had reiterated something that I was already sensing to be true in myself.  The way that I conduct my presence within the larger body of Christ at times is not...  well, it's not like Jesus.

But it had already been a long day at that point.  I had a good friend, that I hadn't talked to in a few years, take the last decade of my life and sum it up in a couple statements.  I normally would have been offended at such a trite, oversimplified reduction of a third of my life -- but the Spirit was preparing me to hear a little truth through somebody who was willing to unknowingly speak it.  My friend told me that to him it seemed like the last decade, "You've had something to prove."

And while it's undeniable how God has taught me and grown me over the last few years especially, I think there are moments when I still have something to prove.

And as long as I have something to prove, it's going to be a lot less about Jesus and His kingdom and a lot more about me.

So, this morning I offer a thoughtful rebuke of my own blog post.  Not for the content itself, you see.  I deeply believe there are a lot of things wrong about our worldview.  I still am bothered by the nuances I chatted about earlier.  I still think that we need a few brave souls to lead us in some good dialogue.  It's been affirmed in my life that what I bring to the table is a giftedness to challenge and make people think -- and I do believe that is how God has asked me to serve His community, wherever I am.

But I want it to be drained of all my ego -- and for that, I am deeply sorry and repentant.  I want it to smell like Jesus.  Jesus had this incredible way of undeniably confronting the systemic wrongs in His world and saying very little.  He was able to show it for what it was and still set people free.  The truth of the matter, is while I'm more convicted of my final two points than ever.  I ended up being guilty of the first two, just as much as anybody else.

To quote my friend from last night, I want to learn how to see if there is something in the bigger picture that I need to shoulder.  What parts of the problem do I need to carry?  And how can I live in such a way that can redeem the chaos and shine light in dark places?  I hope that I will hit the pause button on my future rants and -- hopefully -- the next time you see me rant, it will be about what God's doing in me and not what He should do in everybody else.  Pray for me in that, would you please?

I am still being refined by a Consuming Fire.  I'm sure glad He's in the redemption business; there's a lot more I still need to die to.

And by the looks of my inbox this morning... I'm in for another long day.